what to tell your friends if yhey say they are ugly

I had this friend. He was a good friend. I adored him and then much that he was 1 lunch date or hug away from becoming my best friend.

He was non perfect. At that place were things about him that I did not like. One of those things was how he did not like certain things about me. So nosotros would debate. But this was okay because I have never shied away from fights. Fights were merely a ways to solve misunderstandings. We fought to get to know each other. At least that's what I would say to justify our high highs and our fifty-fifty lower lows.

When I realised this was happening, I decided to take a step back from our friendship. I was too close to the picture to meet its entirety. So I permit him know that, for the two weeks that I would be out of town, I was cutting our line of contact. Simply to see how I would practice without him. Nosotros would not make phone calls, transport texts, make mentions on Twitter or Instagram, nothing. He agreed. And for two weeks I existed without his assistance on how to feel.

It felt light. But as soon as I got domicile, I reached out to say hello and share my findings of what fourth dimension abroad from our friendship was like. It was our last conversation.



"Friend? Hey, I'1000 dorsum at domicile. I miss yous. How are you? Where is my belated birthday wish?"

"Hey Zaza. I'm glad you made it home safe. Happy belated."

"O sharp?"

"Yep I'm okay. You've just been gone for so long I don't know how to talk to yous."

"I guess that makes sense. But hurry up and get used to it because I miss you lot, my broer!"

"Lol I want to bear witness you something."

"Awe, show me. What is it?"

"It'south my photography work. Just you tin't share it with anyone."

"I won't nana, pinky promise."

"There yous go."

"Oh wetsa portraiture nou? Lekker for you!"

"She'south beautiful isn't she?"

"Awe, she'south gorgeous."

"Lol why did you say it like that?"

"Like what? She's beautiful, I concord with you. Is that why you sent the picture, to come across if I thought she was cute?"

"You're being weird, Zaza. Where'due south the enthusiasm? Why all the questions?"

"I'm but trying to understand why y'all sent the moving picture lol."

"She's beautiful."

"Okay."

"Lol. It gets to yous when you realise a lot of women are more than attractive than you, ne?"

"Huh? What are you saying?"

"You lot're not as attractive as you think you are. Looks aren't your matter, and it's okay."

"Where is this coming from???"

"Yous walk around thinking you're the shit and equally your friend, I'g here to remind y'all it isn't similar that bra."

"WTF??? I don't know if y'all're trying to be funny but that'due south a stupid joke. I'm non entertaining this. I'chiliad not gonna let you mess with my head like that. Nope. No, no, no. I'm not doing this with y'all. I'm not gonna permit you hurt my feelings so randomly. This isn't necessary."

"Getting your feelings hurt? I'm playing with you lot dog, geez. I'1000 sorry. Besides, ugly isn't a bad thing because beauty isn't everything."

"Not funny."

"Wow, I said distressing. Aren't you confident Zaza? Where's your confidence? Fuck what I said, exist confident."



I was empty-headed with confusion and archived our chat considering I could not bring myself to think about what he had merely said. I did not want to process it because I did non want to believe him. And to do this, a new routine had to be established. I stayed up in my nighttime room and made a mental listing of dos and don'ts to make certain I did not have to address the affair.

I will avert mirrors and windows at all costs.

I volition keep my chin downwardly at the basin when I brush my teeth.

I will get up early on enough for my brother to be my eyes when I get ready for work.

He volition tie my braids, brush my edges and tell me if I take soap remainder in my ears.

On my fashion to work I will decorated myself with reading on the train and loud music in my headphones.

I will always look downwardly to avoid store windows.

The playlists I create will have nothing to exercise with the topic of dazzler.

I will not tell my all-time friend, mama or journal well-nigh it.

I will not think about information technology.

I volition not address it.

I will keep going until I am in my dark room where I will shut my optics and wake up to repeat this new routine.

I repeated this to myself until I savage comatose. Unfortunately, as soon as my 5am alert rang the next morning, I neglected to remind myself of the plan. Instead, the first thing I did was look at the picture of the beautiful girl. I pinched my screen to zoom into the beautiful stranger's features. I studied her: her shine Ricoffy skin, her circular face, her long narrow olfactory organ, the cupid'south bow on her full pink lips. I stared into her huge pupils and noted the fragile lines framing her round cheeks and the slight hollowness nether her eyes that made her look breathtaking, militant, tired but kind.

I idea of myself. How my features were confused. Was my face middle-shaped, oval or round? Why does my chin protrude as much as it does? Why are my eyebrows uneven? Does my button olfactory organ qualify as cute or does it make my chubbiness more than apparent? Is stubby nonetheless cute? Are the black marks on my correct cheek protruding beauty spots or warts? Why does my face dip in certain places and rise in others to create shadows under my optics, nose and chin when I stand in the lite? Who do I become to for all the answers?

With no one to ask I used her face as a reference. I looked and looked until I accepted that my features failed to meet what was established by this criterion, this standard. She really was beautiful.

Equally the day progressed I managed to keep the promise of avoiding my reflection and kept my head occupied with the cute woman in the picture. I daydreamed nearly what she sounded like, what she read, what she wore and who her friends were. I idea about how attractive my brothers would think she is. I imagined how often suitors awkwardly confessed their attraction towards her.

She must have so many followers on Instagram, active followers who always comment with flowers, hearts and fire emojis. I bet simply a hundred of them are her friends, the residue simply adore the beautiful stranger. The scenarios rotated through work, on the treadmill, on the train, in the bath and in my bed.

I pictured her this manner because these were things I didn't experience. And maybe information technology was because my friend was right, looks weren't my thing. He was correct. I believed him because he was my friend. Why would he lie? I believed that he knew what other people didn't because he got close plenty to see the ugly that I had tucked abroad so well I didn't fifty-fifty know it was there. I really believed him, then.

Zaza Hlalethwa

Zaza Hlalethwa

Zaza Hlalethwa studies Digital Democracy, New Media and Political Activism, and Digital Politics.

mccuegingive.blogspot.com

Source: https://mg.co.za/article/2018-08-03-00-he-told-me-i-was-ugly/

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